Deep-down, I—like every other member of my generation—am a Star Wars nerd. Thus, it was with great anticipation that I joined a couple hundred of my closest Chinese friends to view the final installment of the most recent trilogy. And, as promised, here are some thoughts.

The good:
1. I really liked the “making Darth Vader” montage, where you see the severely disfigured Vader in obvious misery as he gets reconstructed into the more familiar black-clad Darth Vader. Particularly potent, was a brief second when they show his face as the mask is lowered for the first time and the guy’s got this combination of terror and sadness on his mug—which is barely visible inside the neck/chest portion of the Vader suit. Made me think that he would’ve been better off just dying and he knows it. I’d never thought of that suit as a “prison” before, but that’s the feeling I got coming out of the movie. That being said, what was with the CGI shot from Vader’s point of view as the mask is lowered? It looked like a video game, for crying out loud. A perfect example of a situation where CGI is used at the expense of a live action shot, not because such a shot is technically impossible but because the filmmaker’s too damn lazy or too damn stupid to do it the old-fashioned way.

2. The Obi-Wan/Vader light saber duel was great—or at least the beginning. Once they got to floating around the lava on little robots, it really lost it’s “epic duel” quality (I like the fiery hell planet as a backdrop for such a fight, but it loses something when it becomes part of the action). But the beginning scenes of the fight were the coolest since the 3-way duel in Episode I. And the hell-like planet as a backdrop was great, I thought, as the visuals accompanied the emotion of the whole thing quite well.

3. The Emperor was well-written and well-acted, proving that even in a George Lucas movie, it is possible to have a good character or two.

Now, the bad (and there’s much, much more bad):
1. What the hell happened with the whole Yoda/Emperor duel? One minute they’re going at it, the next minute Yoda’s crawling through an air conditioning duct talking about how he has failed and must go into exile. Why, exactly, did the fight end? I mean if we’re going on points, I’d have to say it was a draw. Sure, the green dude lost his light saber, but are we to believe that’s the end of it for him? The way I see it, he takes a fall and gives up. What a pussy. Of course, this would be in keeping with the portrayal of the Jedi throughout the third movie (a bunch of dogmatic, idiotic, blind-as-a-bat, pussies). Still, considering Yoda went there to kill the Emperor, I would’ve liked to have seen someone emerge victorious, one way or the other. After all, there is no try. There is only do, or do not (yes, that was extremely nerdy). In a larger sense, this is reflective of a common problem in Episodes I-III. In each, there are some amazing light saber duels, but all of them fizzle out with a lame ending (Darth Maul, despite having the “high ground” getting chopped in half, Dooku running away in his ship, Vader jumping up in the air and getting chopped down for no apparent reason, etc.). At least in the first movies, the fighting wasn’t anti-climactic, even if the artistry of the fights themselves couldn’t hold a candle to the prequels.

2. Um, is it me, or did it seem like the swiftness with which the Emperor disposed of the Jedi sent to arrest him was nothing more than an unwillingness on Lucas’ part to choreograph another cool fight scene? Two of the guys literally stand there while they’re stabbed to death. Couldn’t we have at least seen the Emperor overwhelm them in a halfway believable manner first?

3. “Hold me like you did by the lake on Naboo.” No further comment needed.

4. …except to say that Natalie Portman’s character was horrible. Not only did her dialogue suck, but from what I can tell, she had no convictions of any kind. For being such an integral part of Anakin’s turn to the Dark Side, Padme had pretty much nothing of importance to say. Moreover, as I saw it, the character herself had no influence over Anakin, but instead it was only some abstract notion of her that did. In the broad sense of the story, she was an important character as it was attachment to her that ultimately facilitated Vader’s turn away from the Jedi, but in the actual manifestation of the character as written by Lucas, she was totally worthless. Basically, her role in the films was to be a uterus.

And now let’s deal with the two biggies:

• “Only a Sith Lord deals in absolutes.” And with that one line, Lucas pretty much contradicts the entire franchise he’s been peddling for the last 30 years. This is the most serious problem I have next to the actual transformation of Vader (getting to that next), so I’ll spend a little time talking about what I mean. Before we really get into it, take a moment to consider that Obi Wan’s very statement is, itself, an absolute. Ironic, no? Or consider that a mere 2 minutes later, Anakin says that from his “point of view” the Jedi are evil. That sounds pretty relativist to me, and it’s coming from a “Sith Lord”. It’s Obi-Wan who replies that such a point of view proves Anakin is forever lost (or something to that effect). Seems to me he shouldn’t be so quick to deal in absolutes. Maybe he should take some time to try and see the world from Vader’s point of view, to better understand his angst, to take a little time to think about how the Jedi have brought this upon themselves. At the very least, Obi Wan needs a sensitivity seminar.

Then there’s the line from the Sith Emperor himself that “good is a point of view.” Or how about his lecture to Anakin that the Sith are the only ones who try to understand a complete picture of the force by learning the powers of the Dark Side? It is the Jedi who are unwilling to look at the world (and the force) from all points of view, no? In the context of this film, it seems to me that the dogmatic Jedi are the ones who are the rigid absolutists and it is the Sith who are the enlightened relativist thinkers.

But let’s not stop there; let’s look at that one line in the context of the whole Star Wars franchise. Basically, this is a six movie set that is based upon the idea that there is a “Dark Side” of the force and a good side, i.e. Jedi side. I don’t recall anyone ever wielding a light saber unless he was aligned with one of these two sides. There isn’t a great “moderate wing” of the Force. I would argue, in fact, that half of the appeal of the series is the sweeping good versus evil nature of it.

Moreover, in Episodes 4-6, Obi Wan and Yoda are both quite absolutist when it comes to the Dark Side of the force. All that stuff about “once you start down the path to the Dark Side, forever will it control your destiny”. How about “there is no try. There is only do or do not.” Not a lot of wiggle room there. What of the common refrain that there is nothing left in Darth Vader but evil? That’s awfully harsh rhetoric, don’t you think? Hell, even the “Darth Vader killed your father” whopper is based upon the notion that when Anakin Skywalker turned to the Dark Side, it was a total, absolute, and final decision. Vader and Anakin don’t co-exist; it’s an all-or-nothing proposition, the Dark Side. There is no middle ground.

Anyway, it seems to me that Lucas didn’t really think this thing through and instead went with a line that sounded good at the time, but didn’t really mesh with his own “Jedi philosophy.”

• And now for the biggest problem: Anakin’s turn to the Dark Side, or, more specifically, the actual moment of his transformation to Darth Vader. I must admit that I liked the general concept of Anakin becoming attached to a woman, and that attachment subsequently leading to fear, fear to anger, etc., etc. I thought it meshed very well with the same themes from Empire Strikes Back and ROTJ (Luke, through his attachment to his friends and particularly to his sister, is in danger of falling prey to the Dark Side, blah blah blah). What I found jarring and unsatisfactory was the actual event in which Anakin pledges himself to the Emperor. It was literally a split-second thing. There was no climactic moment of choice but rather one second the kid’s talking about justice and the “Jedi way” and the next he’s not only watching the Emperor dish out some street justice of his own, but pledging to kill children on the Emperor’s behalf. To me, there’s a disconnect between the version of the guy who goes “Oh no! What have I done?” right after helping kill Sam Jackson and the version of the same guy who 15 seconds later is kneeling at the Emperor’s feet agreeing to kill all the little Jedi kids. There was no great moment of choice when he commits himself to evil, when he finally takes that step across the line he’d been toeing the whole movie. And it's my contention that these types of things all involve a moment of choice; no matter how slowly you are sliding towards evil, no matter how gradually you're changing into a different person, no matter how much you're tricked into doing something wrong, at some point there is always a choice. There is always a moment in which you can turn the tide. Epic stories often exaggerate this moment for full effect; Lucas, being a moron, chose to skip it entirely.

I would much, much rather have seen a parallel between that moment and the climactic fight scene in ROTJ, when Luke is faced with killing Vader or dying himself. Moreover, his friends are in immediate danger, and along with killing Vader comes the possibility of salvation for his friends. I would rather have seen Anakin kill Count Dooku to make that final step, to give in to the possibility of salvation for his wife (not just some abstract conception that he may be able to master the Dark Side enough to save her) just as the Emperor wanted Luke to kill Vader and take his place as the Emperor’s right hand. And why couldn’t Padme have been threatened in a direct way, much as Vader threatened Leia (sp?) to goad Luke into fighting in ROTJ? Basically, I’m just not buying that some indirect, abstract fear about Padme is enough to cause a complete character change in a matter of 5 seconds. At the end of the day, what made the Luke/Vader duel so compelling was that Luke was seized with hatred and anger, he had plenty of selfish motivations to give into that anger, and yet he still made the difficult choice not to. In Episode III, Anakin doesn't have such a moment. He gives into some abstract selfish desire to save his wife, but he never really finds himself totally consumed by hate and anger until much later into the film (I'd say when he squares off with Obi Wan is the first time).

At the very least, Lucas could’ve saved the whole killing the Jedi children for Vader’s second assignment, as it was just not believable as his first (for the reasons explained above). Too drastic a switch (from a guy who feels guilty about killing to a guy who’s willing to kill kids) that was made far too quickly without a dramatic event to cause it.

Anyway, I could go on and on, but at the moment, I’m tired of writing (as you’re probably tired of reading). Let’s just say that it was cool to finally see the conclusion of the whole thing, even if it was, on the whole, a wasted opportunity.